And I did. 100% and certified!
I'm really proud...kind of. And this is where I always manage to mess myself up.
That dark part of my brain that is hyper critical of me is now saying it was a cop-out, that I simply gave myself something I couldn't fail at and that it's not, therefor, valid. This is what my depressive, bi-polar mind does to me whenever I do something good, no matter how small.
So I'm going to take each one of these points in turn.
It Was a Cop-out
No, it wasn't. It was anything but. I set myself a goal with a clear plan that was a success. Nothing can ever take that away from me, not even myself!
I Couldn't Fail
Oh, yes indeed, I could have. There are any number of ways in which I could have.
- I could have suddenly changed my mind (as in really copped-out) and resigned.
- I could have insisted on doing it when I was overtired or distracted or in a fibro fog.
- I could have failed to pay attention and missed the several nuances that I didn't know before.
It's Not Valid
Fuck that! It's totally valid. I did it, didn't I? I followed a desire I had to complete something educational; that is valid. It is accredited to me on an international university site; that is valid!
I think that I will continue to take courses I'm interested in on a random basis...whatever strikes my fancy. But I'm going to take them one at a time and complete them each. Weather I fail, or pass, or have to take them five or ten or forty-eight times to pass, isn't relevant. At least not right now. What is relevant is to keep going until it's done. Now the question is what do I take next?
I'll let you know.
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